I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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