You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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