I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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