Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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