And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
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He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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