My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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