you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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