i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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