I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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