using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize