the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize