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My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Randomize
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