your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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