when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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