I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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