I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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