I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize