The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Come on in and take your pants off
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