we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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