She is in my trunk
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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