there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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