it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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