plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you made out with another girl for some wings
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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