I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize