Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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