Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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