I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize