my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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