Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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