why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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