PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize