I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
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Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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