How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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