pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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