he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize