I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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