it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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