cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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