I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize