I'm jealous of your bromance
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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