Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize