i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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