just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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