Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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