i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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