I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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