Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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