Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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