You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize