You smell like a Billy Joel song
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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